In my Life...

2011-10-01T14:18:00.000-05:00

Fallin’ asleep at the wheel again baby,

You’re driftin’ over the line (the line) Yeah.
Your hands are tight but you’re losin’ grip quickly
Fix me, can you read the signs?

Thumbin’ your way to Vegas, dirty
And Dreamin’ of the other side…
Save your tears and laughter because
It doesn’t matter what you find

It ain’t pretty
After the show
It ain’t pretty when the pretty leaves you
With no place to go.
If you think you need it,
Here’s the place to feed it
But it ain’t pretty

When, everything that you do is wrong,
And you
Feel like you can barely survive Yeah!
When those around you
Are crumblin’ downwards
Buried in the sunset alive.

Thumbin’ your way to Vegas, dirty
And screamin’ like you're back from hell,
Save your dreams And occupations
Cause it doesn’t matter what you sell…

It ain’t pretty
After the show
It ain’t pretty when the pretty leaves you
With no place to go
So, if you think you want it
Here’s the place to get it,
It ain’t pretty

The party's over
And the road is long
The party's over
And you're moving on

The party's over
And the road is long
If you think you want it
Just come out and say it

It ain't pretty

Fallin’ asleep at the wheel again baby,
You’re driftin’ over the line (the line).
You’re hands are tight but you’re losin’ grip quickly
Fix me, can you read the signs?

Thumbin’ your way to Vegas, dirty
And Dreamin’ like you’re out of control,
Save your tears and laughter
Because this is the ride…
And this is the show

And it ain't pretty
After the show…
It ain’t pretty when the pretty leaves you
With no place to go
So, if you think you want it
Just come in and get it
It ain’t pretty

My Son Who Saved a Fish

2011-01-01T18:36:00.005-06:00

So, I take him to work (my son that is)...it was a cold autumn day in October. He had fun playing video games, drawing pictures for my colleagues and discovering the "fish tank"!

After some plentiful hours of playing, we had a nice lunch together. He thought about how great it would be to have a fish. So...when we got back to the office from lunch, my boss told my son that he could have one of the goldfish from the office tank to take home. Afterall, it was only going to be food for the bigger fish later that day.

So we put him in a old Nabob coffee container, and on the train we go...all the way home.
I figured that this little fish, who is now suitably named "Goldie" would last the week. I'm happy to report that 2 1/2 months later, that little fish is still alive. He's the cutest thing (and I never thought I'd say that about a fish), but whenever we're about to feed him, he wags his fin like a dog!

My son wanted me to write this story by the way...so I obliged. How cute is that.

D'ya ever wonder...

2010-01-15T20:42:00.007-06:00

Today on my way home from work, it occured to me that while I spend my 8 hour day in a warm environment with great people where I have purpose, there are hundreds of homeless men, women and children standing on street corners just struggling to figure out where their next meal is coming from.

So as I'm walking, the same man that was standing on the corner near my office that morning was still standing there! I wondered...was he there the whole time? What did he do today? It struck me so much, that I decided to walk over to him and give him some money. It was the least I could do.

We take it for granted that we have the things we do. Unfortunately not everyone can be so lucky. While it's hard to understand why some people turn out this way, I think before we judge we have to put ourselves in their shoes.

So the next time you pass by a homeless person, take a moment to say hello, buy them a coffee or give them a few bucks. Chances are you'll feel pretty good about the fact that you did, knowing that you helped make a total stranger's day that much brighter.

Losing My Father

2008-02-16T20:24:00.010-06:00

I new the day would come, inevitably . That day was December 30th, 2007 (when my father passed away). They say life changes when you lose a parent. I know now that it's true.

I was never very close to my father, but there was always some kind of "understanding" between us. He never talked much about his daily life (or his past for that matter) and I only spoke to him about current events, my work, and the kids mostly.

He'd been sick for awhile, so last January (2007), I took the opportunity during a three hour train ride from Montreal to Toronto to write him a letter (say what I had to say). Why? Because I knew if I didn't do it on this visit...I'd never do it.

So often I hear people say...I wish I had of told him or her (but I never got the chance). Well this was my chance and I wasn't going to pass it up. Three hours and about fifteen handwritten pages later, I had spilled it all out. I spoke of my memories as a child, how I was angry as a teenager, and how I felt guilty as a young woman having left home. It felt great to say all those things..like that, just then.

I handed the letter to my dad and said "read it whenever you feel up to it". Later that evening he came to see me. And although he couldn't say the words out loud, he said"thank you for this; it means alot to me. I love you".

Those words still ring in my ears today. After a few brief visits and one really great last day with him at the hospital this past Christmas, my father lost his long battle with cancer. Surprisingly I was okay. He was at peace; and so was I. People have many ways of grieving. For me, what helped me immensely was that letter I wrote one year earlier.

If I can give anyone any kind of advise on losing a parent, it's to say "don't wait until it's too late". Tell them how you feel now; today (even if it's something that may hurt them). They should know..and you may never get another chance!

...don't panic (Take 2)

2007-09-28T18:43:00.005-05:00

A year and a half ago, I published my first post on my new blog. Titled "...don't panic", I took the opportunity to discuss my experiences with panic attacks, with the hopes that maybe I'd reach other people who were experiencing some of the same feelings. It was liberating to write about it, in fact it was the first time I ever had. So what have I learned since then?

I've discovered that living with "the fear" has definately not been easy. Some days have been "panic free" while there are other days where I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle (and loosing quickly). I thought I had them (the panic attacks) under control, but just recently I've started having them again. With the increasing pressures of life, the episodes (both large and small) have become more frequent.

There was a time when talking to myself (telling myself that everything was going to be okay...you've been through this before, you'll get through it again) was all I needed to do to stop it dead in its track...but now this "technique" doesn't seem to work anymore.

Through stress therapy, I've managed to channel the "stressers" in my life and have been slowly working toward finding ways to "deal" with them more effectively. Unfortunately, I've needed some "extra help" and I'm now taking anti-anxiety medication. While I used to pride myself in being able to "do it on my own", now I'm relying on the medication to "stop the attacks for good." Is this the best solution? Am I avoiding the real problem?

Whatever the case, it's working, for now....

Jann Arden - "Under Cover"...

2007-04-27T14:46:00.000-05:00

...you gotta love Jann Arden! She is truly a beautiful person with an amazing voice and a great sense of humour...and not to mention, she's Canadian!

Recently my best friend and I saw her at a concert again here in Montreal (for the fourth time), and once again she was wonderful! She looked great... (50 lbs. lighter!) and bringing a little more of her "serious side" with her. Maybe all this "seriousness" was in part because of the 10 year old boy in the front row to whom Jann gave $20 (a sort of "payout" for the profanity she'd spilled out earlier on in the show)...or maybe it was due to the lifestyle changes she's gone through over the last year (living better, eating healthier & exercising daily)... Whatever the reason...it was a perfect evening filled with wonderful music, touching moments and a few tears.

Her songs are hauntingly beautiful and evoke so many emotions in everyone who hears them. Even the cover songs from her new album "Uncover Me" were given Jann's "particular sound". My favorites? Janis Ian's "At Seventeen", Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" and Neil Sedaka's "Solitaire". Some of my other favorites from her past albums (a few of which she performed that night)...Insensitive, Good Mother, Unloved, I Would Die for You, If You Loved Me, Ode to a Friend, Hanging by a Thread and Sleepless (to name a few)...

Why do I go to every concert Jann performs in Montreal? Because it's an unforgettable evening every time. With each song she sings, it sounds like you're listening to the "studio recording". Will I see her again next time? Absolutely!!

"Take your coat and shoes off,
Come and sit beside me,
We could talk for hours or we could just do nothing,
Four billion people surround us,
So many souls lose their way,
All that we have is each other,
And that’s all I’ve ever wanted
Yeah, yeah, yeah…
Don’t you think it’s funny,
Tell me what the point is,
We could die tomorrow,
Might as well enjoy this..."

from Sleepless - Jann Arden

...when women finally "get it"!

2007-02-08T19:11:00.000-06:00

There comes a time in everyones life when they finally "get it". Now just reading that line would make some people presumably think that "getting it" was referring to sex, however this is not the case. In fact,"getting it" allows most of us "deep thinkers" to rise above the obvious and understand that there is more to life than just sex and so many other things (for that matter).

"Getting it" is when you finally realize that the most important thing in your life is not how much you make, or how big your house is, or what kind of car you drive or how many friends you have...it's about realizing that the most important thing is right in front of you (when you look in the mirror)...That old saying about how "you have to love yourself before you can love somebody else" could never be more true...

We spend our whole lives searching... In our youth we're searching for knowledge, in our 20's, we're searching for acceptance, in our 30's were searching for our soulmates,...and by the time we've reached 40...we should pretty much have it all figured out! To a certain extent we do..but 40..(for most women)...becomes a life-defining moment. We've forged our career, found our true love, had a few kids and gained a few pounds...but then....we start back at the beginning by searching again...for the old "us". Somewhere along the way we lost ourselves. Things that were once our greatest passions have been put aside...

Over time...and through alot of changes and self-evaluation and re-evaluation...the time will come when we will re-discover ourselves...the point here is "don't take too long to find yourself again"...Life is to short and too prescious to put yourself last. By taking care of you..you'll become a better person, a better mother, a better wife...and in the end you'll love the skin you're in and the person you've become!

Work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt and dance like no one's watching.

Live-Love-Laugh

Out of the Mouth of Babes 2...

2006-09-19T19:38:00.000-05:00

So.. I'm telling my 5 year old about how one day he'll meet a girl and fall and love and even maybe get married. His response after a few seconds of thoughtful consideration was "Does it hurt when you fall?". Hmmm. ..what can you say to that?

Walking through Costco a few weeks back, this same curious 5 year old spots a baby doll in a box with a bottle. He says "Mommy, I want one of those." To which I replied "A doll?" and he says, "No, a real baby." I tell him that Mommy already has her two babies and doesn't want to have anymore. "But why Mommy?" he says. "Well, Mommy's getting older and it's alot of work to have a baby". The next completely obvious question...to which I walked right into was "Well where do babies come from?" ... Smoothly I answer "I'm not quite ready to tell you that yet." So he says "Because you don't think I'll understand, right?" Yep!

.. Gotta love them!

...as the Crowe flies...

2006-05-26T21:33:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while I remember why I believe Russell Crowe is such an amazing actor. One of the best actors of our time! When I first saw him (I mean really noticed him), it was in the movie Gladiator. I thought he was incredibly good looking as well as an incredible actor. I then also realized that I had seen him before in several other movies, but hadn't remembered him; like in The Quick and the Dead and LA Confidential.

To top it off, I discovered that he was also a musician (and although definately not part of his claim to fame), I found it quite intriguing! 30 Odd Foot of Grunts hasn't done too well on the Billboard charts, let's put in that way!

In his personal life, his antics as a bad boy with a temper are a little to be desired by most, but then again many of the great actors had histories of "being bad"; like Marlin Brando and James Dean. And it seems to be a winning combination these days too - with the likes of Mickey Rourke, Johnny Depp, Robert Downey Jr. and Christian Slater to name a few.

Anyhow, now that's he's settled down, has a son and a new baby on the way, maybe this bad boy from down under will come clean and put to rest his old ways. Until then, I'll continue to enjoy his good looks (the long hair is preferable), and of course his great films!

A few of my favourites include:

- Beautiful Mind
- Gladiator
- Proof of Life
- The Insider

Good Day Mate!

Fortune and Fame...INXS Style

2006-05-12T18:46:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to what I would say was one of the best concerts of my life. A band that has been around for over 20 years has re-emerged into the music scene and they are sporting an amazing new front-man. J.D. Fortune joined INXS last October when he beat out 14 other talented singers and won the contest where the prize was to become their new lead singer. He dropped to his knees and wept! Greatful, honoured and shocked all at the same time.

Last night, J.D.'s style was unique; his voice hauntingly like Michael's. The raw energy resonated throughout the Bell Centre, where they played to a near fullhouse. They played the originals (opening with Suicide Blonde, moving onto the ballad Never Tear Us Apart and rocking to Original Sin) and flaunted their new songs (Hot Girls and Pretty Vegas both brought down the house). J.D. was genuine and energetic, like a young Mick Jagger, strutting his stuff! His voice was clear and strong and he commanded the stage like he'd been doing it for years!

Although now in their late 40's early 50's, the rest of the band held their own as well. Their sound was as solid as it was 20 years ago. Their rapor with the audience was real and J.D. had plenty of props to help him with his dialogue. Their were posters, panties, t-shirts, hats and Canadian Flags flying back and forth between the stage and the audience.

A Canadian himself, J.D. showed his pride for Canada by sporting a Canadians jersey in the Encore segment of the show. While they only played for an hour and a half, the set was solid. Definately worth the $65 for the ticket! Would I see them again? You bet!

Got a Secret?

2006-05-03T20:13:00.001-05:00

....everyone, everywhere has got some kind of secret. Sometimes we find the one person that we feel comfortable enough with to tell that secret to; but other times the secret is so personal, that we just can't seem to let it out of our hearts, free our minds of it, get it off our chests... so to speak (or not to speak).

A little while back I discovered a website where people can go and do just that. It's a "blog" of sorts where people can mail in "their secrets" either in the form of a postcard or simply in the form of a letter. It's a way for them to get it out of their systems without revealing their identity.

I've always felt strongly about writing down my "thoughts" when something was bothering me, or when I had to make a major decision about something (the old pro's and cons list). It's like the words on the paper somehow release the thoughts from your mind. Or at least release the pressure of these thoughts, that over time can actually build up causing physical pain (headaches, stress, sickness, etc.). Writing it down is great, but then maybe you just burn that piece of paper and nobody else ever got a chance to see what it said! Then again that was the whole point wasn't it?

The idea of having a common "place" to write it all down, to get it off your chest, stay anonymous, and actually have someone else read it, all the while helping you...and maybe even helping the person who's reading it! What a concept! Another amazing thing that this website has done, is that it has made these "post secrets" works of art! People have a chance to show their artistic talents when creating their "postsecrets postcards". Sometimes shocking, sometimes beautiful, but "always thought provoking".

Take a moment and visit this website http://postsecret.blogspot.com/ . Get a glimpse into the lives of others; Cyber-Voyeurism! Maybe something you'll see or read there might help you with something you're dealing with in your own life. At the least, it can give you the comfort of knowing you are not alone!

Got a Secret?... now's the time to set it free!

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

2006-05-01T19:44:00.000-05:00

Once in awhile there are times when you say to yourself...why did I have kids? Well..here's just a few of those moments for me, that have made me sit back and realize what that reason was!

Watching the cookies baking in the oven and the look of anticipation & excitement in their eyes...
After explaining to my oldest son why we have to wash our hands..."Because our hands carry alot of germs and when we wash our hands we wash all those germs away". To which he asked..."Well why can't we see the germs?" "Because they are so tiny we can't see them with our own eyes". Finally he asked "The germs... are their eyes blue?"
Upon arriving home from the hardware store, my oldest son asks "Heh Daddy, where did you buy all that stuff from?" ... "Home Depot" says Daddy. My sons final comment "Home Depot - you can do it, we can help!"
"Mommy what are you watching?" "I'm watching How it's Made on the Discovery Channel" I replied. To which my son says "www.howitsmade.com"

You gotta love them...

...don't panic!

2006-04-27T20:04:00.000-05:00

I was 37 years old before I discovered that I'd been suffering from panic attacks for the past 10 years. It all started one night just after I went to bed. I woke up startled and couldn't catch my breath (literally could not breathe). I panicked so much that it made it worse...I bolted out of bed, pounding at my chest trying to get a breath! I was having a panic attack!!
What's a panic attack you ask?... well it's also known as the fight or flight reflex. Panic attacks can occur after periods of stress; when you're in a relaxed state, like at the end of a long day, when you've had time to wind down. For me, they mostly occured just after falling asleep.

Since that first time, I continued having similar bouts, then one day it changed. I had an attack just after my first son was born. I was eating an apple, a piece went down the wrong way and I started coughing and started panicking because I thought I was choking. It lasted 15 minutes then it passed. That was the usual duration. I continued having them in the evening just after falling asleep, but they were spiratic (only rearing their ugly heads about once every few weeks). As time passed and I had my second son, they became worse. I had one on the operating table when he was born!

Then in 2004, I had the worst one of them all. It happened before going to bed this time and each time I tried to lie down to fall asleep...I'd bolt up out of bed hyperventilating. I felt like I was doomed and I couldn't escape. This one lasted too long and I said, "That's it! I've got to do something!" I called my mother-in-law to take the kids and my husband rushed me to the emergency. After a few tests to rule out any physical problems (throat obstruction, thyroid problems, etc.) they told me I was suffering from what's called situational panic attacks (mostly brought on in times of stress coupled with the fear of choking because I couldn't breathe). Looking back at that first time, I realized that I had had a really bad cold at the time and alot of phlegm in my throat, making it difficult to swallow. That first time set the mould for the future attacks. Everytime I thought I was choking or couldn't breathe, I'd panic and then it would progress into a full blown panic attack...me, pounding my chest, grasping for air..weasing!!!

I decided I had to do something about this...so I decided to try self-talking myself out of them when they'd happen. I didn't want to take pills or seek therapy. I new I could fix this thing! So everytime I felt one coming on...I'd say "You've gotten through this before..you can get through it again.." I think after a few episodes of dealing with it this way, they started to subside.

I still have fears to this day, like when I go to the dentist and I have to keep my mouth open for long periods of time and can't swallow properly; but I found that tapping on my leg or listening to music has really helped with that...

For anyone reading this who feels they may be experiencing something similar to this...please know there is help. Talk to your doctor, get some tests done... find a way that works for you to deal with them day to day...I got through them.. believe me, you can too!!

Just one of those days...

2006-04-26T20:09:00.000-05:00

...you ever have one of those days? ... actually more like one of those months? Well... for me it's been just that! How do people do it? ... Balancing work, home, kids, husbands/wives, housework, yardwork, bills,....and still manage to stay sain?

I think we are all lying to ourselves if we say everything is great. I think that's just a "figure of speech". How can everything in your life be great all at once? We love our jobs but hate our waistlines, we make good money but never see our mates and kids, we love our homes but hate cleaning them!

Maybe we need to go back to a simpler life. Make less, eat less, work less, walk more, play more, love more, say more. If only we could. We have more than our parents ever did, but are we any happier? Maybe I'll just go to bed..and dream about a better tomorrow.
That's about all I have to say about that...for now!