Losing My Father

I new the day would come, inevitably . That day was December 30th, 2007 (when my father passed away). They say life changes when you lose a parent. I know now that it's true.

I was never very close to my father, but there was always some kind of "understanding" between us. He never talked much about his daily life (or his past for that matter) and I only spoke to him about current events, my work, and the kids mostly.

He'd been sick for awhile, so last January (2007), I took the opportunity during a three hour train ride from Montreal to Toronto to write him a letter (say what I had to say). Why? Because I knew if I didn't do it on this visit...I'd never do it.

So often I hear people say...I wish I had of told him or her (but I never got the chance). Well this was my chance and I wasn't going to pass it up. Three hours and about fifteen handwritten pages later, I had spilled it all out. I spoke of my memories as a child, how I was angry as a teenager, and how I felt guilty as a young woman having left home. It felt great to say all those things..like that, just then.

I handed the letter to my dad and said "read it whenever you feel up to it". Later that evening he came to see me. And although he couldn't say the words out loud, he said"thank you for this; it means alot to me. I love you".

Those words still ring in my ears today. After a few brief visits and one really great last day with him at the hospital this past Christmas, my father lost his long battle with cancer. Surprisingly I was okay. He was at peace; and so was I. People have many ways of grieving. For me, what helped me immensely was that letter I wrote one year earlier.

If I can give anyone any kind of advise on losing a parent, it's to say "don't wait until it's too late". Tell them how you feel now; today (even if it's something that may hurt them). They should know..and you may never get another chance!